I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
