a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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