Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
