Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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