that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
