OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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