This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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