please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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