Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
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the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
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I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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