38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
