You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
