so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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