her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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