I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
