i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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