I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
