Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
