3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
