Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
