Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
