I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
