like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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