sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
