3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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