He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
