Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
