You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
