I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
