I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
