God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
