he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
