I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
