Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
