Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
