I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
its liver damage thursday
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
