Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
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you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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