worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
