I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
How external is "for external use only"?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
