that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
