it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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