I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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