Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
