I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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