If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
