Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i barfeds in our rink
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
