dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
