I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
