So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
