Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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