areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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