If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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