If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
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he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
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The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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