Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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