I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Randomize
