so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
MIDGETS
????
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
