You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
