This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
