Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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