That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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