Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
