addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
