I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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