Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
