hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
