even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
