This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
