Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
