you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
