My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
