do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
