New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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