he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
