I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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