I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
