I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize