he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
