I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
